Personal Training Relationships Tend to Fail if Organized by a Third Party
A key lesson I’ve learned during my 15 years as a personal trainer and an educator of other coaches and fitness professionals is that it’s only possible to help someone if they want to be helped enough to ask for it. Coaching relationships usually fail if instigated and organized by a third party. For example:
A husband contacted me and paid me to train his wife. After a couple of sessions it was clear that his wife felt bullied into it. The husband basically wasn’t happy with his wife’s physique and brought me in to help. I stopped training her after the third session and refunded the husband.
A loving father contacted me and paid me to help his son pass Navy SEAL selection. I quickly realized the son wasn’t nearly hungry or determined enough. I did communicate this to both the father and son but the father was very insistent that we continue. I regretfully kept taking the father’s money and continued training his son for six months until it finally came to a sour ending.
A wife contacted me and paid me to help rehabilitate her husband following a nasty fall. This fitness goal is close to my heart so I eagarly accepted. Unfortunately her husband just wasn’t receptive to my coaching and he never completed any homework programs. We made no progress and the relationship ended after five sessions.
A supportive mother and former client paid me to train her 17-year-old son. He had started training himself at the local gym and his mother wanted me to teach him proper lifting techniques, with a view to him competing at high level sports. No matter how many different coaching methods I tried, her son never listened to me and barely picked up any of the techniques I taught him.
I finally recognized the pattern and realized that a key component in determining if someone is ready to receive coaching and make change is asking for help, themselves. It’s only possible to coach another person if they actually ask for help. This is why I don’t take on new clients if a third party contacts me on their behalf.
If a teenager isn’t mature enough to contact me and arrange our first meeting, it’s unlikely that they’re mature enough to receive coaching from the same stranger. A number of complications can be caused by an executive assistant or family office doing the legwork for their employer — the executive or high-net-worth individual must walk through the simple steps of enrollment themselves, if for no other reason than to show they’re invested enough to put the work in further down the road. Longterm changes to health, strength and fitness can’t be bought. A great deal of effort is required. I’ll jump at the opportunity to meet and assess anyone who comes to me and asks for guidance themselves. If you’re considering buying a pack of personal training sessions for a friend or loved one, I pose the question to you, do they want to change as much as you want them to? A nice alternative gift could be a pack of sessions with a massage therapist, where showing up and being disengaged is sufficient.
If you’ve read this and still want me to train your friend, colleague or loved one I’ll be thrilled to hear from them directly (by text, phone call or email). The preliminary process before becoming a client is:
5- to 10-minute phone call so I can gather some initial information and set up a consultation.
Prospective client completes the enrollment form (medical case history, cancellation policy, business and payment info) — it’s critical that the client completes this form, not a third party.
Complimentary consultation in my personal training space, in Corte Madera, involving movement assessments and a taster session. I’m happy to visit an alternative home training space for the consultation, in which case it counts as the first session of a pack, should you decide to become a client afterwards.
I’ll accept payment from a third party (family office, EA, loving family member) but this is arranged after the above three steps. If persuading them to contact me is remotely difficult I suggest that they’re just not ready to make change, yet. How to help a loved one transition from the contemplation stage of change to the action stage is food for another blog.
May the force be with you
Phil
